maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
