well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
where are my eyebrows?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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