He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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