know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
