I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
