you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
