Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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