i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
