You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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