Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
