I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
