i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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