I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
