One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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