Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
