:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
