Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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