Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How drunk are you?
Completed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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