I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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