Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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