i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
FUCK WHALES
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
