I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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