apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
