TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
