I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
