I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
