We named our party play list daddy issues
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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