so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
