I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
