i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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