There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
