She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize