tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
