You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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