who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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