How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
