I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
COCAINE IS GR8
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