eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
