You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
