Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize