Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
