I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
