I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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