I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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