I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
please come you make the beer taste better
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
