i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
