I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
