Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
