mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
