You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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