two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
