We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We won't sleep together?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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