There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
