I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
