also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
