if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
