why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
