do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
