Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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