every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
