Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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