He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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