I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is Oprah even human
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
