i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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