he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
