A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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