What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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