I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
